Christmas - how to set healthy boundaries with family and friends this Christmas

What does your Christmas look like? Whether you are celebrating or not, some of us will be with family and friends, while others will be working or spending it alone.

It could be a time of grief or a reminder of those we have lost or lost contact with.

Family, social, and financial pressures can make it crucial to give yourself the gift of healthy boundaries to survive the Christmas period.

Boundaries are the limits you set and the things you consider acceptable. Boundaries protect what is important: physically, emotionally, and mentally. Our values and beliefs, our time and energy, and fundamentally, our sense of self. They stop us from being resentful and can strengthen relationships where the same problems continually reappear.

Many of us find boundaries challenging because of the messages we received growing up, “you can’t let them down!” for example. Setting them can stir up guilt, anxiety, or the fear of disappointing others.

So how can you set boundaries and let go of the fear?

Consider dedicating some time to reflect on the following points; it may be beneficial to write down or voice record your thoughts.

1. Setting Your expectations

Ask yourself, what do you envision for Christmas? What is important to you? Who do you wish to spend it with? What is realistic?

2. Establishing limits

• What are your limitations?

  
  

• What is the maximum amount of money you are willing to spend? - Look at setting spending limits with friends and family - “shall we do £10 gifts this year?”

• Decide how much of your time you want to give- “I’ll come for 1 hour, but then I need to go”.

• Can you delegate tasks when things become overwhelming? - “I’ve been so busy, it would be great if we could cook lunch together”

3. Communicate clearly

How can you effectively express your needs?

A useful approach for this is the compliment sandwich, a way to say “no” that minimises potential offence (something many of us worry about). If someone asks, “Hey, are you coming for drinks Friday?” A response employing the compliment sandwich would be:

BREAD: “Hey, wow, that sounds really fun. "

FILLING: but I just need a quiet evening, so I’m gonna say no this time,

BREAD: " I’d love to arrange another day next month.”

Often, how we communicate influences the impact more than the words themselves; it’s how you say it, not what you say.

Practice the art of saying no. Identify what you can say no to without experiencing guilt. Reflect on how the other person responded and how it made you feel.

4. Recognising the boundaries of others:

Can you identify when others are setting healthy boundaries, and are you able to respect them? Remember, a ‘no’ from someone else is often about their needs—not a reflection of you.

5. Explore your boundaries

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the festive season or life in general, talk to a counsellor and explore your boundaries and what they could look like.

So whether you are hosting the ‘in-laws’, choosing to dine alone, or working the Christmas shift, be kind to yourself, know your limits and have a very Merry Christmas!

I need help...

If you are struggling over the Christmas period we are here to support anyone with their mental health and have counselling appointments available - www.therapycentreservices.com/self-referral

You can also contact the Samaritans on 116 123